On Meisner and Stanislavski

I think I am a good actress despite my lack of formal training in performance methodology because I can make up for it with my innate aptitude to predetermine my fellow interactee’s preferred outcome in a scenario and subvert myself for their approval.

This is incredibly helpful when it comes to directors- I can sense what they want out of the scene and deliver accordingly, resulting in minimal notes.

Turns out this skill is more of a hindrance in Real Life.

Under the burden of expectation an actor thrives- but a Real Person dies. 

To employ The Method in your daily life is to lie to yourself so expertly that your performance overcomes you, character becomes king, and any Unfortunate Realities or Burgeoning Realizations can be ignored in the blinding stage lights. But, oh, their beams of warmth are such a comfort and you feel so beautiful, so you make sure to stay on stage and always hit your mark, and never retire to the dressing room to remove your wig. You are a star, no matter the size of the audience, for you can’t see into it anyways. You could be playing to an audience of one or none (and usually, she is). 

Not sure if it was the lights finally dying out or my skin starting to burn, but I finally had to step into the shadows and exit into the theatre’s peripheral wings. Only once I was there I remembered that I was in costume and makeup.

Now, I leave the theatrics for the stage. I find myself in Real Life and lose myself in legitimate rehearsals. Sisyphus is happy or whatever.